The Chumpeen!

Released
December 7, 1923

Starring

 * Ernie
 * Farina
 * Jack
 * Jackie
 * Joe
 * Mary
 * Mickey

Story
Ernie is caught stealing apples and the police officer tells him he has to come up with a dollar to pay for them. Ernie pictures himself wearing a prisoner uniform and chains, breaking rocks with a sledgehammer under the watchful eyes of guards. He wanders back toward his barn, but on the way sees Mickey and Jack yelling insults at each other. Ernie leaves them be and continues on home, where Farina, Joe, and Jackie are hanging out.

“What’s up guys?” asks Erine.

“Not much,” answers Farina. “How about you?”

“I got in trouble and need to come up with a dollar.”

“We don’t have any money,” commented Jackie. “We don’t have anything except these stupid grass skirts.”

“And no one wants to hire us for anything. They think we’re all troublemakers,” added Joe.

“Yeah, you ruined my reputation.” Farina gives Ernie a little punch in the stomach. Ernie punches back, and gets an idea.

“Hey, we can set up a boxing event. That’s something tough bare-chested men like us can do.”

“Who’s going to be boxing?” asks Farina.

“I saw Mickey and Jack arguing just now. But how about Joe and Jackie on the undercard?”

“What about me?”

“You’re kinda little for this. I don’t want you to get hurt. But hey, you can be the referee for the undercard and the timekeeper for the main event.”

Farina is pacified at this suggestion.

“Um, do Joe and I have to get hurt?” asks Jackie.

“Yeah, we’re friends, not enemies,” adds Joe.

“Just make it look good,” instructs Ernie.

Ernie then goes back to Mickey and Jack, who are still yelling at each other.

“Hey guys, why don’t you settle this in the boxing ring? We’ll charge admission and split the proceeds.”

Jack accepts immediately, so Mickey has to follow suit for fear of looking like a coward.

“What are you arguing about, anyway?” asks Ernie.

“Over who Mary likes better,” explains Mickey.

An hour later everything is ready. The fights draw a big crowd, and Mary gets a front row seat. The first match isn’t very exciting, but when Farina gets in the way, Jackie and Joe both throw a punch at him, and he goes flying across the rings and gets tangled up in the ropes. The crowd roars in laughter as it takes Farina fifteen minutes to disentangle himself, and the first fight is forgotten about.

While Farina is struggling to free himself, Mickey and Jack start having doubts. Ernie tells each of them that the other will lie down in the second round, so they agree to go on. When Farina finally unties himself, he gets a standing ovation, and then the main event is on. The first round looks lame, and Mary gets suspicious. The second round isn’t a whole lot better, and Ernie gets slugged when Mickey and Jack realize he lied to them.

Mary gets up to leave with a random neighborhood boy, which gets Mickey and Jack upset. Joe, Jackie, and Farina block the exit and drag the boy into the ring, where he gets pounded by Mickey and Jack. By now, some of Mary’s friends have notified the police and they raid the place.

The good news is that Ernie did raise the dollar to pay for the apples. The bad news is that all the boys of the gang are arrested for running an unlicensed gaming operation, rigging the fights, and beating up an innocent bystander. Ernie, Mickey, Jack, Joe, Jackie, and Farina are handcuffed behind their backs, marched to the town jail in front of most of the town, and sentenced to thirty days of hard labor. For the next month they are often breaking rocks with sledgehammers, sometimes chained together at the ankle.

The warden informs the gang that the prison doesn’t have uniforms in their sizes, so they have to remain in their grass skirts for the entire sentence. The prison term has some benefits; Joe loses at least five pounds, and they all gain muscle from the hard work.